Wow it’s been a long while since my last post. Actually I have drafted a couple of posts but never finished them. Where I’m living now is far from favourable for creative things, also, my energy levels have been severely off for a while now. Anyway, today something stirred up some feelings I want to vent here.
I think that’s probably one of the words God uses most. Moses had to wait 40 years. Jonah waited three days in the belly of the whale. Paul waited in the prison. Jesus himself fasted for 40 days in the desert. But still, I don’t understand this waiting thing at all.
In Matthew 9:37-38 it says:
“Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.“
Since He’s so short of workers anyway, how can He afford to put so many valuable workers aside, to just WAIT? For years and years on in some cases.
I’ve been more or less waiting for Him for over 30 years now. Yes I hate it and it makes me doubt things even more. But at the same time I kind of understand it, because I can’t really be productive in God’s work if I don’t have my facts straight. Then again – how difficult would it be to the Almighty God to give me the answers like He did to Thomas? But no, He chooses not to. For some reason, and maybe some day I’ll find out what that was. Or not.
BUT. What caused me to write this post was a phone call with an old, dear friend. He truly loves God, would love nothing more than to serve Him with what ever he’s been given by God (and that is a lot!) but instead he’s been set aside and kind of alone in a very difficult life situation. For at least a decade now. He’s like a prisoner in his own home, not by choice but circumstances. And God just won’t set him free. It hurt me to the core to hear the sorrow and yearning in his voice. And to realise that he believes that other Christians don’t want to hear of him until he’s able to pitch in again. Oh cry!
Sometimes it just takes all I have and then some to remind myself that God knows better and that He’s not unfair, no matter how badly it seems that He is mistaken and mean.
I’m just so horribly tired.